Foreign Legions, Or: Whimsy, Frolics, and the General State of Human Disrepair

What seemed to be a promising, whimsical purchase turned out to be the bastion of mediocrity.  Yes, I bit on MUPromo’s Foreign Legions: Buckets of Blood from this last Friday.  I was somewhat sad in that moment, seeking reprieve from the game I’m currently reviewing.  Cartoon violence seemed the best medicine for my present state of calamity.

Foreign Legions is a run-and-gun third-person shooter.  As the last living soldier, you must protect civilians hidden in the village town hall.  Rebels flood you in waves, and you can call for supply drops while you wait rescue.  All in all that’s the game.  Nothing but par here, folks.  The controls are simple: move, shoot, alt shoot, jump.  And while you’re given great options on resolution and graphical detail, you’re not really offered the same granularity in reassigning controls.  That is, the menus won’t let me reassign jump and weapon switch, and I poked through its .plist file to no reward.

So what did I learn?

(1) Oddly, I miss first-person shooters.  I haven’t played one in several years and I vowed myself away from competitive team-based games after my lusty addiction to TFC.  (Old, I know.)

(2) I greatly miss my number pad and should search upstairs for my wired keyboard.

(3) Even though I love the Mighty Mouse’s aesthetics, it makes a poor gaming device beyond single-function.

(4) I didn’t expect much out of Foreign Legions, and that attitude tampered any natural resentment after an hour of play.

So why did I buy it?  Escape, I think — or perhaps some of that irrational haste; and Foreign Legions provides that escape for a bit.  Going into the purchase I knew it was only one level and single-player.  I knew of my natural distaste for third-person perspective.  And I soon discovered that its enemies ran predictable, linear paths to the base.  Even though these are elementary complaints at which I would normally scoff, Foreign Legions lured me with its potential charm.  (Oh, the siren song!)  But somehow, the greatest sting was discovering the high score records in the .plist file: open and ready to accept absurdities in leu of virtue.  Regardless, I bit, and I enjoyed it, and then two games later I felt I saw everything it has to offer — and so I played it more to give proper perspective and these 500 words that more than qualifies its experience.

You’ll probably feel ripped-off for paying the full 9.99 retail, unless something else comes out for it soon (and I’m not holding my breath).  Given that, I think it was worth the 5.99 promo purchase. I mean four dollars isn’t much difference, but it sounds real nice when worded as 40%.  Besides, Foreign Legions provides a competent, bite-sized gaming experience – a morsel, if you will – and to compare it against a full meal would do it and other, better casual games a great injustice in the end.